Anxiety, stress and everything in-between
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental ilness in the United States. Photo retrieved from The Recovery Village.
By Ally Ortolani
Opinion Editor
As college students, we all feel anxious. Meeting deadlines, taking exams or doing homework can take a toll on the average student. Even during the third week of school, I feel extremely overwhelmed, especially as a junior. From sorority recruitment, having two jobs, traveling to Texas for four days and meeting deadlines for all my assignments, it has all taken an immense toll on me. Needless to say, anxiety and stress are feelings I am quite familiar with.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults aged 18 or older, which comprises about 18.1% of the population.
As someone who deals with anxiety disorder, I have struggled in the past with my mental health. Throughout high school and part of college, I dealt with eating disorders, depression, anxiety and everything in between. I have had my highs and lows, just like anybody else. It was painful, but being in that position has taught me a lot about myself.
Before junior year, I would stay up until 4 or 5 a.m. vigorously studying in the lobby of my dorm building. Some days I would go without sleep and on an extreme occasion I would stay up for nearly 48 hours. Was that healthy? Absolutely not.
Learning to balance schoolwork with one’s social life can be a struggle, and I found this especially hard. Instead of going out on weekends with friends, I was the girl who stayed in and studied. I was not happy. But, I had straight A’s, soI should have been happy, right?
I was unable to comprehend that perfect grades do not equate to one’s happiness. I could not let myself slip. I wanted my parents to be proud of me.
It was like a vicious cycle for me. If I did not have perfect grades, my GPA would go down, and if my GPA went down, then I would not get into law school. If I failed to get into a good law school, then I would not get a job after college. Without a good job, I
would not be happy, and if I was not happy, what was my purpose?
Needless to say, my mental health was depleting right before my eyes. I knew that, but I was addicted to striving for perfection. I could not and would not settle for less. I had to be in control.
I have spent my adolescence dissatisfied with myself, something I heavily regret to this day. It always felt like something was missing from my life. While I have to yet to find that part of me, I can tell you that I have been doing much better.
I am not writing in hopes that people will pity me for how I deal with anxiety, depression and everything in-between, but instead to be brutally honest and authentic to those who might be feeling the same way as I did. As cliche as it sounds, it does get better.
It will not always be perfect. Some days I feel depleted to the point where I do not even want to get out of bed. Those days will happen, but it is about finding happiness in the smallest of things. I surround myself with family and friends that I love tremendously. You are not alone.
I go to therapy regularly, and High Point University’s Office of Counseling Services are tremendously helpful. Even with just an hour each week, I have felt significantly better than before going. All students should take advantage of the resources HPU offers, even if they are not struggling. Sometimes, simply talking to someone can relieve a person of any stress.
I once heard that the first step in changing your relationship with anxiety is to stop treating it like the enemy. Healing takes time, and you should not compare your progress to others. Where I am now is where I am meant to be. One day I am going to look back on this point of my life and realize that all along I was evolving into the woman I am today.
All I need is time.
This year, I promise to take care of myself. I promise to love myself. I promise to treat my body right. I am proud of the progress I have made and I vow to continue to love and nurture myself.