Wanted: Real men (boys need not apply)
By Chelsie Merone
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason.”
For those of you who don’t know, this quote is from Easy A, a hilarious movie staring Emma Stone that I suggest everyone pick up immediately and watch. But recommendation aside, your probably wondering why I am quoting this – well here it goes.
As a 22-year-old female who is about to head out into the real world, I am hoping that the media hasn’t completely ruined my chances of finding “Mr. Right.” But as so many college-aged women have come to discover, finding the perfect guy is like finding a unicorn; and we’re starting to lose faith.
It’s rare today to see someone do something out-of-the-blue and romantic for someone they care about. Why? Because in today’s society they would be called a pansy, whipped, or other less politically correct terms. Of course there are the brave souls that defy this standard; and most of them are immortalized on YouTube or other media outlets; but what about the everyday guy? The average 20-something guy you find anywhere in America. Why is it not okay for him to take a step back from his “super-butch” persona and do something nice for a girl? Social pressure, that’s why.
I’m not just talking about pressure from friends; I’m talking about the expectations set forth by the media. This idea of being ostracized by your fellow man for doing something that may not be in your Bro-Bible is promoted by the very same media empire that idolizes these types of chivalrous acts. Confused? Yes, I am too – so are most women.
It’s no secret that in recent years there has been a shift in how the media portrays men and women. I know, I know, this topic has been beaten to death by activists, scholars and so on; but apparently society isn’t getting the message.
Just because a guy acts like a jerk in the movie and gets the girl, doesn’t mean it will happen that way in real life. Movies are written, and therefore, artificially formulated — get it through your heads people, movies are NOT real life! Stop trying to act out your favorite scenes in hopes of getting the same outcome.
This may seem like a feminist rant, but I think of it more as a textual slap in the face for both women and men. Girls, stop lowering your standards; stop thinking you can change every guy you date; and please stop acting like you aren’t worth the extra effort.
Guys, my advice to you (if you choose to listen) is cut the crap. We all get it, you want to be a man’s man, and that’s fine; but you should take a second to think about how with every sleazy action or superficial comment you are giving the rest of your gender a bad name.
For all of you “White Collar” fans out there, take a few pages from Neal Caffrey’s book. Not only does he dress, talk, and act like a textbook definition of Mr. Right (minus the criminal record), but he also spends a majority of the first few seasons searching for the girl he loves, no matter what the cost. Okay, that may be a little extreme, but it’s a good start.
Bottom line: stop treating your girl like a bro. Open her car door, pay for her meal, don’t play mind-games, and please, please don’t ever use bitch, slut, girl, etc., as a term of endearment (we have names, use them). You do this, and I promise it will pay off in the long run. We may think we want the “bad boy” now, but like the stereotype says, “you can’t take him home to mom.”